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stickaround nostaliga won't let you down

l move home in two weeks. It's so surreal to think that I'm doing the Buffalo-Long Island round trip once more (tomorrow/today)....it's something I've done religiously for four years by every means possible. JetBlue, road trips with suitemates, by myself, with Dan, with my mom....how many thousands of miles going back and forth, connecting my home life with my new collegiate life. Now it's over. I guess I never had this moment at graduation, since I knew I'd still be taking classes. I know I have to take two classes online in the fall, but I'm having that moment of "holy crap it's all over" and I'm genuinely upset about this. The shlep back and forth was just as big of a part of my college experience as drinking and PJs and shows and classes. 

I just can't believe four years have flown by so quickly. I always felt (even then) that high school was such a long time, with the exception of my senior year. I feel like college was the exact opposite. It feels like it was only yesterday that I left home, squeezed in the back of the Expidition with all my belongings. Der brought out Jeri on her leash and I was trying so hard not to bawl my eyes out more than I already had when I waved goodbye to my home, my puppy, my sisters, my Babci, my life as I knew it. It was a gorgeous sunny day, warm but not too humid or hot. I was wearing my favorite broken in pair of Old Navy light wash jeans, a white Billabong shirt and flip flops. We got to Buffalo and I was cranky because I was hungry and scared so Mom and I drove around, lost as all hell, until we found Tom's on the corner of Bailey and Sheridan. I got french fries but couldn't eat them. Momma was tired too, but I think she knew how scared I was because she didn't snap at me like I was expecting; I knew she was holding it back. I had forgotten to pack something to wear and didn't feel like tearing the car apart the next day, so I rewore my clothes. I checked into the nerd and promptly got lost, wandering around in circles until I finally figured out that the layout of the building was set around circles. I found my suite, got set up...I was the first there so I chose my side of the bed, swapped out the mattress for the better one and made my new home. We watched Finding Nemo that night, all of us in the suite who were terrified. It was an awkward silence, since we didnt know each other. We were from all over the state...Rochester, Corning, Albany, Westchester, Bumblefuck Southern Tier and me, the token Long Island girl. That night was the only quiet night in that hallway for the next year. 

I drank and grew and became someone new that year. It was honestly the best year of my life. I left the nerd sad, knowing something great had come to a close, unfortunatley in a somewhat negative way. I RA-ed, an experience I wish I could do over so I could do it right, not trying to balance out stage managing and RA-ing and massive depression. I had a wonderful boyfriend who showed me that I was worthy of love. We finally got off of campus, moved into our little apartment on Lemon Tree Court. We settled into a new life together. Junior year came and went. I got sick, went home, we broke up. My mom and I went out to see family in the Mid-West last Fourth of July and it was there, sitting in a hotel in Sturgis, SD that faced I-90 that I called him and told him (quote) that "I fucking love you". We got back together, our relationship so much stronger for the shit that we put ourselves through. I started school last fall, feeling excited and scared for the inevitable moment of graduation. I found out that January that I was going to need another semester and would have to stay for another fall. It crushed me. Dan realized that I could graduate; I poured over my DARS report and he was right. I ran into my advisor's office in the beginning of April and we figured out that I could, in fact, graduate over the summer. I walked at graduation. 

Now I'm here, almost three months after that obscenely early day (btw, getting up at 7 when I went to bed at 4 = not awesome. I think I used a good half of my undereye concealer and that's not counting what my sisters used.) My belongings are boxed and bagged, awating a UHaul truck to bring them to the Island, taking that Buffalo drive of 290-90-690-81-380-80-GWB-Cross Bronx-Throgs Neck-Cross Island-Southern State one last time. I'll leave here forever. Sure, I'll probably return to Buffalo a few times in my life, because I'll miss Mighty Taco and Dan's parents live in Rochester and Daniel must see his Bills play. But my life in Buffalo is over. People may shit on Buffalo for alot ot things (the weather, the shit state of the economy up here.....seriously, the weather) but this town gave me so much. I left home a child and am returning as something that resmbles a woman, an adult. I could never repay Buffalo and UB and PJs and those lovely people I grew to love and miss terribly for that. 

I carry the best year in my heart. Someone made a reference to "Dear Penis" the other day and I laughed and tried not to cry at the same time. Even now, iTunes is playing for me "Fuck Her Gently", a song that was sang waaaaaaay too much those days. I cant watch the OC without thinking of our weekly ritual of eating dinner in our PJs, showering, getting ready and pregaming to the latest antics of a bunch of fictional rich kids. I can't think of Gelato without thinking of my last show, the headaches and revelations that came from that show. I look at my pictures of my trip to Florida in between the semesters Junior year. I look at graduation pictures to remind myself of the whole thing....that I'll step foot on campus for the last time in two weeks. 

I'm gonna miss this place.


( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Jul. 25th, 2008 04:35 am (UTC)
you might miss buffalo... but you get to see ME...maybe/;
Jul. 25th, 2008 07:35 pm (UTC)
chetta you know i <3 you. i was gonna call you since im home till monday but i updated my phone and it ate my address book : (
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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